Step 19: Learn to Plan
We're all a mess. And life seems to conspire against us all. There's school/work, family, friends, bills social obligations as well as personal time that need to be dealt with. How can you deal with it all without running in front of a moving car?
Step 18: Use Envy for Good
Some emotions aren't inherently bad. Sit back down. Don't click away. I'm not bullshitting you. Some feelings, even the bad ones, can be turned around.
Step 17: Know Your Boundaries
We're all people pleasers on some level. There's at least one person we don't want to disappoint, one person who's opinion really matters to us, or one person who has a way of talking us into something we may not what to do. But sometimes we end up being yes-men.
Step 16: Let It Go
What's that quote about swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die? That's what it's like when we don't let anything go. When we don't let go, it hurts us. Meanwhile, whoever you're mad at walks around your fetal positioned body like "what happened to them?"
Step 15: Let it Out
Stress comes from everywhere and if you're like me, you're realizing that it never stops. Sometimes you get overloaded and that's normal! But how we deal with stress isn't always the healthiest. If you find yourself bottling up your emotions, you're in danger.
Step 14: Stay In Your Lane
We don't really know what goes on in these people's lives. That's part of the reason why we follow them on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat, etc. We want to know the secret formula like we're evil geniuses with a sinister plot. That's how we look when we get jealous. Seething, green monster ready to devour our better off peers.
Step 13: Don't Underestimate Yourself
So many business owners, executives, creatives and directors who make career moves haven't reached 30. Maybe they're afraid but you can't see it. I want to get on their level.
Step 12: Stop the Denial
While I'm sprinting away from attention seeking choices, I also leave my embarrassed truths in the dust.
Step 11: Leave the Pretty Opportunities Alone
During my search a woman posing as a major online job board representative gave me the bells and whistles for a staffing position. She sent over a job description, interview questions, FAQ, and contract. Great right?Fast forward 6 months of training and waiting for payroll documents and I start to get nervous. Then shit hits the fan. Western Union transfers begin. Confused?
Step 10: Speak Up
Now, I'm seen and heard. Now I ask to stay connected to employers who turn me down on LinkedIn. Now my voice doesn't shake when I speak. And that's all because I started, as simply as this sounds, talking.
Step 9: Avoid the Petty
It is so hard to take the high road. Turn the other cheek. Smile at your enemy and walk away. Or even help them. But to be a better person, sometimes you need to do just that.
Step 8: Be Open
If someone would have told me that I would be in a completely different city trying to juggle my home life and my budding career all before finishing college, I would have walked away. Just shaking my head and letting out an annoying laugh while I walk away. Well imaginary person, you were right! And I was rude to let that sound out of my mouth.
Step 7: Breathe
Throughout the summer, I had been seeing a therapist. Because there is a super black woman complex, I was ashamed that I couldn't just pray, take a nap and do what I needed to do. However after many strong suggestions and sleep deprived nights, I got into an Uber and sat down on that comfy couch to cry in front of a stranger.
Step 6: Get Out of My Own Head
Everyday I have to battle negative thoughts and more often than not there's no real reason for it. Sometimes I get so involved in soothing my panicked mind that I forget to live my life. I forget my responsibilities and just cry. That's been happening for the past few months.
Step 5: Compassion For Oneself
When you meet me, I'm probably going to be the nicest person you encountered that day. I step aside, hold open doors and always apologize for bumping unto you. My niceness is extended to everyone but myself. I'm at my most cruel and unforgiving when dealing with myself.
Step 4: Stay Consistent
On my quest for success of every kind, I get bombarded with advice on how to achieve it. One of the main ones is to make good habits. By good habits, they mean doing uncomfortable, hard things repeatedly until it becomes second nature. That doesn't mean you'll like those awful things over time. No one likes being responsible. And if they do, they are usually devoid of spontaneity even in the smallest sense. It just means you'll appreciate the success when you get it.
Step 3: Be More Selective
Going with the flow has been ingrained in my mind that it's the ideal behavior. Something comes up?
That's cool.
Deadline get changed?
Whatever.
Need to make a group decision?
Whatever y'all decide is cool.
Step 2: Stop Apologizing
However when it comes to me, "I'm sorry" is one of my top said phrases. I know it's annoying to hear that every time one of my quirks slip out. While it's endearing in the first encounters, it soon becomes suspicious. No one can be that nice and apologetic all of the time.
Step 1: Patience
I think I might have overestimated my calming nature. Usually I can breathe out negativity and a smile will emerge. However people have found a way to knock all the wind out of me through the phone.