How to Own Your No
In an effort to consistently improve, I look back at what I've written and see when I can update or give a different perspective on a subject. The rewrites are called remixes because it's a clever way to pay homage to the plethora of remixes that popped up during my childhood. If you want to find more, click the tag remix.
“You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
In the original I focused on how flexibility can backfire. Which it can! Saying yes to everything leaves you open for lots of possibilities. But not all opportunities are right for you. That's why there's another option when trying to make a decision. It's to take the time to form the word no. Feel comfortable with no. Know how it sounds coming from your mouth. And more importantly, leave it at that.
Everyone doesn't know how to take no for an answer. Sometimes they'll try to convince you to change your mind. Sometimes they're straight up call you an asshole. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say about 50% of the NO's you'll hand out will come back with a negative response. Do you know what to do next?
Ignore it.
Why? It doesn't matter what they want after you say no. You stood your ground and gave an answer. It's not your fault they don't like it. And trying to get them to understand your stance will only frustrate you. So save yourself the time on your therapist's couch and leave them alone. More often than not, they'll get over it. If they don't, you saved yourself even more time trying to figure out what the hell their problem is.
You always reserve the right to say no. Even if that pisses everyone off. Even if it's the harder choice. Sometimes it will be. I know people may lead you to believe saying no is easy. They are lying. Yes makes everyone leave you alone in the moment. Yes make every one happy. No stops them in their tracks. But their tracks don't supersede yours.
When you realize that your decision matters more than someone else's feelings, you'll feel lighter. You may even treat yourself afterward. But get the treat, you have to do the work first. So go out there and start saying no!
