Why I Don't Believe in "The One"
Back in the day when I didn’t know the difference between fake and genuine interest, I thought that one day I would find someone who would deal with my weird but gorgeous self. I was under the impression that I was too much for the masses and that one day my weirdo equal would present themselves to me (in what manner was anyone’s guess) and we’d live a life full of adventures. Past me was right about most of the type of person I would be with, but the number was way off. One has never been enough for me. It doesn’t even feel right to have only one chip. However, that didn’t seem to be a practice that most of my elders were fans of. I can remember having multiple crushes at once and being called a hoe for it, even though I wasn’t sexually active at the time.
Past and preemptive future slut shaming aside, I’ve never truly been a one-person woman. I just didn’t have the language to describe what I really wanted until I put enough time and space between my dark ages and my present. In between I took the time to really get to know myself and see what works best for me instead of what works for my parents, friends, or society at large. Fortunately I feel settled in calling myself polyamorous but I don’t think I’ve written down why I choose to have multiple partners. So gather round the campfire and go through these reasons. If you relate, let me know in the comments or DM me on social media. A woman’s gotta self-promote, right?
1. No one person can meet all my needs.
It’s entirely too easy for me to compartmentalize my interests and find people who I can share those with. This is the reason why most people have different kinds of friends. There’s your work friends, gossip friends, church friends, workout friends, social gathering friends, book club friends and every other configuration I don’t want to write out. To expect one person to be my only friend isn’t fair to them because they might not like everything I like and probably won’t want to tag along for all my adventurous whims. I can want multiple events to happen at once just so I have the option to leave one event and go to another.
Is that easy for my friends to handle? No but they have other people in their lives to get doses of other experiences. I feel the same way about my partners. It doesn’t make sense to expect one romantic partner to meet all of my wants and needs at once and at all times. Now I do have ideals of what my partners would be like but even my perfect person wouldn’t make me be monogamous. It doesn’t matter if one day I meet and start dating Jidenna. He as well would not be enough for me. I need the variety of getting to know and being with multiple people.
2. There is way too much energy coursing through my veins to only bug the hell out of one partner.
I’m not kidding. Sometimes I’m bouncing around the house, even during a Panasonic going on outside. My patient nesting partner (a partner who you live with) tries his best to keep me busy but I see the look of annoyance in his eyes when I’m in a talkative mood sometimes. He’s more excited about my dates with my other partners than I am because I give him space to do what he needs and wants. The fact that polyamory allows me to give him that every time I spend time with others brings me joy. I’m highly aware that I’m not the easiest partner to have because I can a handful. But I’m worth it.
Multiple people deserve to be with me and no that’s not me being narcissistic. Which brings me to my next reason.
3. I have so much love to give.
Due to all the energy in my body and spirit, I find ways to spread goodness to the ones I really care for. In my opinion, it’s better to spread that out to numerous people rather than try to stuff it all into one person. My heart is full of all the mushy things I have issues with expressing (which have nothing to do with non-monogamy, just to be clear) and what better way to remedy that than to disperse it out? Holding in all of my affection and dumping it on only one of my romantic partners seems cruel. It would also be cruel to only give out the best treatment to one or two people in your life. I know at some point in our collective childhoods we found one person and called them our best friend. How many best friends have you had since the first time you gave that title to someone? And how many times have you changed that person out as you grew into the person you are now? It’s very rare to have the same best friend after all this time and if you only showed that person the best version of yourself, you’re missing out. Even if you’re monogamous, imagine what it would be like to only be nice to one person in your life. Your other friends, family members, and even children might miss out on all the mushy things you’re shoving in only one person’s face. And who wants that?
There’s no way you can tell me I can have a crafting day and all of the results go to one person. It doesn’t compute in my brain.
“The one” is a monogamous concept that I don’t buy into. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for those who believe. It just means I don’t live my life based on that belief. And it’s fine! Everyone gets to choose the way they want to live and love. I just choose to include more than one romantic partner around me. It doesn’t make me nor other non-monogamous people better than monogamous ones. This isn’t a morality issue for me, it’s a preference. So, the next time you see a non-monogamous person loving on more than one person at a time, either congratulate them or ignore them. It doesn’t change anything in their lives if you ignore them nor should it change your way of living if you don’t want it to. I don’t believe in “the one” and I’m happier for it.
