Chapter 4

On my journey, I think it's good to sift through the mess and find what I need to keep and what I need to leave behind. I have a habit of looking at my past and dissecting everything. I'm talking about replaying friendships as early as kindergarten years that dissolved. With another friendship gone downhill, I'm wondering if I attract train wreck ass people and befriend them. If I do, it's no surprise these relationships crash and burn.

Maybe I'm trying to save these terrible people with my awesomeness. Maybe I feel compelled to find mess around me in human forms. Maybe I like trash people in my life for entertainment. Whatever reason is behind my friend choices, I end up sitting on trains wondering why I'm traveling further and further from safe locations just to save some money on a few drinks. Like damn I know we're young and still broke but seriously? We both work. Spend your money instead of resting on that hookup you could get on some ribs and a margarita!

I'm also getting the overwhelming notion that negativity is surrounding me. And I. Will. Not. Let. It. Win. I refuse! Whether it be the shows I watch, the people I deal with, or the ever changing gloomy sky, negativity is alive and well. I want to be a beacon of hope and I'm thinking that maybe I'm attracting unrest. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I'm missing it. 

So I'm not sure what my next moves should be. I'm still finding mess when I should be finding gems. Hopefully in time, or 2 weeks, I'll have a little bit of shit together.