Questions People Can Stop Asking
The strength it takes for me to answer these questions without either a scowl or with one sentence shows how much I've grown. But there are too many people asking me the same questions in the most life draining cycle ever. So I've comprised a cute list with answers they hopefully will remember for years to come. Feel free to take these answers for your own chorus of busy bodies in your life if the answers apply to you.
When are you getting married?
Due to my long term partner being a integral part of my life, he pops up in my conversations with other people. Maybe it's the joy on my face when I say his name or maybe it's the other individual's expectation of the timeline of relationships but somehow they ask me when I plan on signing a marriage license. The short answer? None of your business. The long answer? Whenever my partner and I feel ready to join our finances together so we can get these tax credits, we will sign that paper and have the party you won't be invited to. Because if you actually knew me, you wouldn't even ask.
When are you gonna put some beans in that oven?
An homage to Regine's mom on Living Single, this question comes around every time I see an elder. It's usually delivered after the first question since naturally after people answer an invasive question, they feel the need to share even more. A woman's life, when a child isn't attached to her, is confusing to my elders. My answer is when I feel like it. Also when you decide to deposit $1000 a week into my bank account, I'll maybe think about having a kid on your timeline.
What, you don't trust me?
The men I've encountered in the past and on dating sites tend to ask me this question when I set up a boundary. Whether it's meeting them in person for the first time or keeping a condom on during sex, these men are on some bullshit. This question feels like spam in the dating game so my response feels like AdBlocker. No, I don't trust you. Because why should I trust a guy who is willing to allow a woman he hasn't seen in person to his home for the first time? Clearly you make poor decisions and assuming that I want to attach myself to that is laughable.
How do you get your hair like that?
When I was younger I would get this question by typically white people. It's a marvel to them that hair can curl upward. But as of late, many older black women have been circling around my head to get a full view of my curls and coils. The astonishment surrounding the idea of my hair has always been odd to me since the way it grows out of my head isn't much different from the way others' hair does. It just...does. So how do I get it like this? Water, some leave in conditioner, oil and good old time. It's long because I've left it alone to be that way. And the comment about you not being able to "do that" is unwelcome. Keep it to yourself.
What ever happened to _____?
I connect with people relatively easily and sometimes those people REALLY stick to me. Sometimes I'll bring the individual up in conversation enough times to where others notice that they're important. So when that person is no where to be found, people want to know what the deep dark secret is to them not being around. Sometimes we grew apart. Sometimes they were only an acquaintance. But most times, I placed them out of my life for a reason that is none of your concern. If I act like that relationship didn't happen, then play along.
So you're just doing this until you settle down, right?
This is in regards of my polyamorous relationship. Due to having a partner and being happy about it, people assume that I am only going to be polyamorous until I come to my senses, marry him and be a good little woman. As if this is something I'm willing turning off and on within myself, it baffles people when I tell them I'm open to other relationships. If I went up to a married couple and said "You're only doing this until you get tired of your spouse, right?" I'd be a cynical person who can't mind my business. So nosy person, no I am not just doing this until I settle down. Nonmonogamy works best for me and if for some unforeseen reason in the future I don't like this relationship style, I will make adjustments until I feel comfortable again.
Hopefully these answers prevent unnecessary conversations or at least makes them flow a little bit smoother. Let me know what your FAQs are and how you answer them!
