Chapter 11

After a blowout performed by moi, it was photoshoot time. I think this is my good side.

The bougie was surrounding me. But it gave me the chance to look like a princess.

Everyday I learn something about myself. Today I've learned how much improvement I can encounter in the face of sadness or anger.

The only reason why my hair was that big and straight(ish) was for a gala. Did I want to go right after a long day at work? No. But it's family and though I try my hardest to be hard, there's a soft spot reserved for anyone under that umbrella.

And when I climbed into the car (Yes, climbed. A truck + heels = climbing) and checked my SnapChat I realized who was tuning in. The guy I tried to leave behind. When I say all the feels came flooding back, I'm not playing. In the middle of all of those forsaken emotions, one kept hitting me: love. I fell for this asshole even when he told me not to. I told myself not to! But there it is, making my life harder. But it for damn sure isn't the end of my woes.

Not too long afterward I get a call from my mom. And if you read this, you'll know the kind of relationship I have with my mom. If you're not clicking the link, 1) Really? It's just a click away and 2) To summarize, it's rocky. She tells me my grandmother is sick and was taken to the hospital. She's still here but no one is sure for how long. Once you're over the hill, things start to deteriorate and it's harder to bounce back. My crazy squirrel isn't as resilient as I thought.

So between him and her, I catch myself walking around in a haze sometimes. But I can't afford to sink again so I'm throwing myself into work. I even got accepted into a coding/web development certification program. Professionally I'm popping. My finances are coming together. My relationship is stronger. However emotionally, I'm not solid. Most days I've worked past the sludge to find a smile. Some days you may think nothing is wrong. But it's there, lurking.

Oh and the guy I thirst trapped? He's probably not going to work out. I saw a special person on his social media so I'm not pressing anything. I refuse to get caught up.

I have no idea what's going to happen next but whatever happens, you'll find out when I do.