I've learned that I need to level my career up.

One of my friends said I'm always looking for a new job. He's right. I hate the jobs I'm working and I hate the job search process. It just feels like a never-ending train ride through what ifs with occasional stops to get your hopes up. I've been on at least 20 interviews (phone and in person) in the last 2 months and way too often, I never heard back from them.

The ghosting is real.

It seems like I'm always almost there, on the cusp of something great. It feels like I'm playing a video game and a get to the last part of a level but something kills me every time. It's frustrating to watch those failures over and over again in the form of unanswered emails. Then to come to work as an indefinite consultant adds insult to injury. There are too many times I thought about quitting triumphantly and taking short term temp gigs until I landed a permanent one.

But I don't.

I wait because that's supposed to be the responsible thing to do. This isn't my destination. I'm at the end of this level and I'm primed to progress forward. I need that notification that all this bullshit was worth it before I throw the TV screen the fuck out of my room.