On a random Monday in October 2018, my then boyfriend popped the question. I took it as a joke, tried to climb onto our comically large bed and watch Insecure. He wasn’t joking so he asked again. This cycle went on for a few minutes until he asked if he needed to get on one knee. It couldn’t hurt. Once it dawned on me that he was in fact serious, I accepted and gave him one stipulation: we must move. At the time, we were living with family and I was OVER it. We (damn it, I) needed our own space. He said “Is that all? Ok, find a realtor and we’ll buy a house. Now can we watch Insecure?”

I love this man.

This is where I have to disclose that we had a nice little nest egg gifted to us by family. I know, I’m like all the “self-made” millionaires we constantly see on the Internet. That was the foundation of our funds to obtain a house. We also have well enough paying jobs to afford the expenses that go into owning a home. The real first step is to have the income and nest egg to afford a home. You can work with a realtor to figure out if you have enough to buy. The nest egg is for the down payment which I’ll touch on later.

After getting the confirmation to find a realtor, I started searching on Zillow, Trulia and Realtor.com just to see what my options were. There were so many realtors that I had to make a list and research them individually. Some had demerits on their license. Some had extraordinarily little experience. Some didn’t even service the areas I wanted to live in. I got down to 5 realtors and sent out emails just to see how they would respond. It was an interview process to find who had the best combination of ideas, experience and customer service.

Something to remember about realtors: they work for you. Don’t choose someone to represent you who isn’t listening, doesn’t care or tries to push their own agenda. You hold the power.

A few email chains, phone conversations and an in-person consultation later and we had a realtor! She connected us with her trusted mortgage company that worked with our financial records and gave us options on loans. It all depended on what we were comfortable with spending. From there, our realtor set up our account in the MLS (Multiple Listing Service) system so we can take our pick of houses. When I tell you, she made things so much easier for us, I’m not kidding. Soon all I needed to do was send her a list of properties we liked. She did all the research, spoke with the listing agents, scheduled showings and kept them as close to the same area in a day as she could.

Again, get a good realtor.

House after house, we started to get discouraged. It felt like being in a fairy tale before everything works out. Too many houses were too small (my husband is very tall), had too little space for parking and too many outside distractions. But one day, when we didn’t even want to search, we walked into a home and immediately knew it was ours. It was exactly what we needed and wanted. We made an offer that weekend! Here’s where reality starts to set in: the inspection.

Every state doesn’t require an inspection before you buy a home, but I highly recommend it. Why? Your inspector will find things you overlook, especially if your new home to be looks perfect.

Windows, the attic, the gutters and the plumbing were just a few of the problems with this house. There was no way I would have known and no way we were going to move in without things being fixed. Again my realtor steps into handle everything with the repairs. Most of the repairs were made and we accepted that our home wouldn’t be perfect. Now comes the biggest piece: the money. Our mortgage company, the same one our realtor set us up with, send over the final loan details and overall bill. That bill fucked us up. We had no idea how much the inspector, appraisal (this is to make sure the value of the house is worth taking on by the mortgage company), title transfer and a bunch of other little things would cost. On top of the down payment, our nest egg was good and gone. We had just enough.

It’s so important to have that money. Technically you can buy a home with no money down, but you need to have INCREDIBLE credit and prepare to pay more every month.

The last thing we needed to handle was home insurance, also something every state doesn’t require but it’s a pretty good idea. Thankfully our realtor set us up with another connection of hers. By that point, we were exhausted. Buying a home takes up SO MUCH of your time! Between finding a realtor, viewing homes, making sure your finances are in order, and making sure the house will still be standing once you move in, you’re going to be tired. For us, it was worth it. We’ve been here for over a year and while it’s not perfect I take pride in knowing it’s mine. Well, ours.

For the TLDR crowd, here are the steps to make sure you don’t go crazy finding a home:

1. Have your finances in order

2. Find a realtor who has your best interests in mind

3. Only look at houses in your budget

4. Get an inspection

5. Use your realtor’s connections for the little details (inspector/appraiser/mortgage company/title company)